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You have no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself and how little I deserve it.

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Bob Hope

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

Audience, Eat, Men, Stuff
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You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

Age, Consists, Middle, Reached, Weightlifting

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

Know, People, President, United, United States

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

Acting, Afraid, Anxious, Funny, President, See

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

Awards, House, Welcome

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

Music, Names, Personally, Play, Rubbed, Steinway
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