I've always found, when I was younger, that the older guys - the guys who weren't of my generation but were 20, 30 years older than me - were the cool guys. I always wanted to be around adults when I was young.
I knew that to find and to feel Yoav again would be terribly painful, because of what had become of him, and because of what I knew he could ignite in me, a vitality that was excruciating because like a flare it lit up the emptiness inside me and exposed what I always secretly knew about myself: how much time I'd spent being only partly alive, and how easily I'd accepted a lesser life.