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You ask me whether I am in good spirits. How could I not be so? As long as Faith gives me strength I will always be joyful. Sadness ought to be banished from Catholic souls. . . the purpose for which we have been created shows us the path; even if strewn with many thorns, it is not a sad path. It is joyful even in the face of sorrow.

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Norm MacDonald

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

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They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

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I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

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I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

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