Top Norm MacDonald Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Norm MacDonald Biography

Norman Gene Macdonald (born October 17, 1959) is a Canadian stand-up comedian, writer, producer and actor. He is known for his five seasons as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, which included anchoring Weekend Update for three years. Early in his career, he wrote for the sitcom Roseanne and made appearances on shows including The Drew Carey Show and NewsRadio. He starred in The Norm Show from 1999 to 2001. Paste named him #31 on their The 50 Best Stand-up Comics of All Time.

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Norm MacDonald Quotes

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

Intelligent, Men, Thankful, Think, Thinking

The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne [Michaels] lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.

Force, Live, Night, Tv Shows, Two

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

Comics, Las Vegas, Lounge, Place, Traditional, Vegas

I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.

Cut, Cutting, Joke, Updates, Weekend

I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

Ending, Friends, Order, Real, Sports

On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.

Possible, Punchline, Real, Thing, Trying, Updates

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

Disappointment, Expectations, Grieved, Said

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

Audience, Crazy, Everything, People, Real

I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.

Averse, Cowardly, Innuendo, Sexual

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Call, Gambling, Man, Men, Money, Winning

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

Love, Opposites, People, Thing, Opposite

The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.

Causes, Done, Effects, Regret

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.

Gives, Giving, Men, Secrecy, Uneasiness

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

Bagatelle, Firsts, Merely, Principle, Principles, Wisdom

Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.

Bored, Dirty, Good, Like, Sudden, Twenties

It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.

Necessary, Order, Tolerance, Tolerant, Tolerated

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

Faults, Grieved, Men, Two, Virtues

My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!

Become, Canada, Dad, Funny, Kids

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

Acknowledgment, Hypocrisy, Inward, Shame

Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

Believe, Guessed, Jupiter, Moon

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