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It is ironic that it doesn't matter how successful I am in any other capacity. Ultimately, my parents marker is do you have a wife? And do you have children?

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Norm MacDonald

I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.

Cut, Cutting, Joke, Updates, Weekend
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They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

Dog, Dogs, Down, Homosexual, Mean, Worry

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Difference, Fun, Hippie, Hipster, Know

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

Care, Guy, Know, Knows

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Call, Gambling, Man, Men, Money, Winning

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

Intelligent, Men, Thankful, Think, Thinking
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