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Man, if it weren't for Bill's Records and Tapes I would've been an accountant like my dad. I love my dad, but thank God for Bill's.

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Rob Corddry

I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.

Friend, Oscar, Oscars, Win, Winning, Writing
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If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

Closer, Funny, Humorous, Secret, Sit, Witty

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

Actors, Broadway, Day, Found, Next Day, Whoring

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

2000, Comedy, Night, Schooling, Years

I've been an Apple guy since the mid 80's and that's when I was like, "Boy, you guys really got me here. I know exactly what you're doing, right down to your price points. "

Apple, Apples, Boy, Boys, Exactly, Guy

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far. "

Daughter, Everything, Like, People, Two
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