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Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.

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Mario Puzo

Even the strongest man needs friends.

Friend In Need, Friends, Man, Men, Needs
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The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, lies in its loyalty to each other.

Army, Family, Loyalty, Lying

What is past is past. never go back. Not for excuses. Not for justification, not for happiness. You are what you are, the world is what it is.

Back, Excuse, Happiness, Justification, Past, World

When I was young, some women told me they loved me for my long eyelashes. I accepted. Later it was for my wit. Then for my power and money. Then for my talent. Then for my mind-deep. OK, I can handle all of it. The only woman who scares me is the one who loves me for myself alone. I have plans for her. I have poisons and daggers and dark graves in caves to hide her head. She can't be allowed to live. Especially if she's sexually faithful and never lies and always puts me ahead of everything and everyone.

Lying, Dark, Eyelashes, Handle, Talent

A friend should always underestimate your virtues and an enemy overestimate your faults

Enemy, Faults, Friend, Overestimate, Underestimate, Virtues

I don't trust society to protect us, I have no intention of placing my fate in the hands of men whose only qualification is that they managed to con a block of people to vote for them.

Block, Fate, Men, People, Protect, Society
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