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The trouble with these people is that their cities have never been bombed and their mothers have never been told to shut up.

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Russell Howard

Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.

Bins, Fortnight, Funny, Humor, People, Unimaginable
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Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Funny, Humor, Philip, Pulled, Queens, Stamp

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

Limbs, Mean, Move, Moving, Staring, Wife

The Bible says gays arent natural. What, and a talking snake is?!

Bible, Gay, Says, Snake, Snakes, Talking

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Counted, Funny, Guy, Humor, Ocd, Slippers

So my mum bought a jacuzzi, and I was in there along with my father and my sister, when my mother decided it would be the ideal moment to say - 'Guess what everyone in this jacuzzi has in common? You've all sucked on my tits. '

Decided, Everyone, Father, Funny, Ideal, Mother
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