Top Russell Howard Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Russell Howard Biography

Russell Joseph Howard (born 23 March 1980) is an English comedian, television presenter, radio presenter and actor, best known for his TV shows Russell Howard's Good News and The Russell Howard Hour and his appearances on the topical panel TV show Mock the Week. He won "Best Compère" at the 2006 Chortle Awards and was nominated for an if.comedy award for his 2006 Edinburgh Festival Fringe show. Howard cited comedians Lee Evans, Richard Pryor, Frank Skinner as influences.

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Russell Howard Quotes

The Bible says gays arent natural. What, and a talking snake is?!

Bible, Gay, Says, Snake, Snakes, Talking

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

African, Funny, Humor, School, Time

Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?

Cheesus, Funny, Humor, Letting, Life, Thought

Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.

Bins, Fortnight, Funny, Humor, People, Unimaginable

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

Back, Funny, Humor, Monster, Police

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

Children, Funny, Humor, Noise, Treehouse, Under

She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".

Birthday, Funny, Humor, Identity, Nan

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

Limbs, Mean, Move, Moving, Staring, Wife

With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video. ' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll. '

Doll, Funny, Humor, Jackson, Sex

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Funny, Humor, Philip, Pulled, Queens, Stamp

I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup - just pleased to be there.

Funny, Girl, Having, Scotland, Sex, Under

I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade

Authentic, Children, Dizzy, Funny, Humor, Punk

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Counted, Funny, Guy, Humor, Ocd, Slippers

Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you. "

Card, Funny, Humor, See, Unlikely, Valentine

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

Blokes, Come, Funny, Humor, Thought, Vomit

From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!

Funny, Humor, Humping, Predator, Toaster, Toasters