Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion. - Demetri Martin

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In our culture I think most people think of grief as sadness, and that's certainly part of it, a large part of it, but there's also this thorniness, these edges that come out.

Demetri Martin

Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.

Bites, Communion, Jesus, Mosquito, Mosquitoes, Receives

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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude. ' 'Dude, these are isotopes. ' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine. ' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies. '

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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left. '

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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

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You have to look at things that happened in your life and ask why. It comes around.

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I claim the holy right to disappoint men in order to avoid disappointing God.

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Washington, D. C. is full of think tanks, theoreticians and advocacy groups. Governors are the ones whose feet are on the ground.

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In our culture I think most people think of grief as sadness, and that's certainly part of it, a large part of it, but there's also this thorniness, these edges that come out.

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Frederick Lenz

At the end of your life you will probably end up in an old-age home, or in a back room in one of your children's houses, left only with a handful of fading memories and a body racked with great pain and suffering.

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