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I usually know almost exactly how I feel. The problem is, I just can't tell anyone.

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Spike Milligan

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Funny, Happiness, Life, Misery, Money
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Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

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One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?

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General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike:. . . Well, all of me.

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