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People really do spend a lot of money on their pets - sometimes more then themselves.

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Dylan Moran

Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.

Comics, Sensible, Stuff, Trying, Years
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People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic. '

Comedian, Encouragement, Like, People, Phrases, Time

You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts. . . ' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm. . . Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

Affable, Art, Funny, Nice, Pretty

You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is.

Couple, Decision, Funny, Half, Lonely, Organism

Everybody does that now. We all take pics. . . you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture ‘cause you’re too busy recording it - so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time.

Funny, Holiday, Humor, Pics, Same, Time

You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don’t understand.

Adult, Adults, Beer, Children, Having, Understand
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