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Someday, without fail, everyone will disappear, scattered into the blackness of time.

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Quentin S. Crisp

I never seem to find what I'm looking for, though. I suppose I feel, these days, too aware of schedules and things, to let myself get lost in the rain. Anyway, I came back home, and it was still raining, and as I was approaching the driveway of the house, and the front garden with its bushy flower bed, I caught a cooking smell from somewhere on the air. I don't know why, exactly, but it appealed to me as a Nagai Kafu moment.

Appealed, Cooking, Days, Flower, Home, Rain
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I went for a walk in the rain. Recently, whenever it rains, I feel like I want to go for a walk.

Like, Rain, Rains, Walk, Walks, Want

This is part of the fundamental character of Buddhism that I find problematic - that it is not interested in anything. Hence the 'Fascination' in the title of the essay, the fascination of art and creativity, stands in opposition to what is called 'Liberation'.

Art, Character, Creativity, Fascination

The research reading I did for Fascination and Liberation included some Jung, and I noticed that he had a similar impression of Buddhism to myself, that, if it weren't for certain qualifying clauses, the philosophy would be downright suicidal.

Included, Philosophy, Qualifying, Reading, Suicidal

I have a sense of them being Easter religions, for some reason. Christianity, of course, is a mystery religion, too, and I believe that Arthur Machen was one of those especially interested in the link between the pagan mysteries and the Christian ones. So, my experience was also a Machenesque experience.

Believe, Christian, Easter, Machen, Religion

It would be hard to say that exactly, but antinatalism is a reality in my life, not just an interesting idea. I can feel it in the chilled and weary marrow of my bones.

Ideas, Interesting, Life, Marrow, Reality
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