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On a crowded bus in Israel, a mother was speaking to her son in Yiddish. An Israeli woman reprimanded her. "You should be speaking Hebrew. Why are you talking to him in Yiddish?" The mother answered, "I don't want he should forget he's a Jew. "

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Norm MacDonald

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.

Cigarette, Embarrassing, Girl, Right, Sex, Spell
Same Author Quotes

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

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I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Difference, Fun, Hippie, Hipster, Know

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

Care, Guy, Know, Knows

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Call, Gambling, Man, Men, Money, Winning

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

Intelligent, Men, Thankful, Think, Thinking
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