My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed … - Emo Philips

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Why do everything perfectly? Isn't perfection just an illusion? Tell me if it's an illusion if they don't fix your car perfectly next time you bring it in.

Emo Philips

My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.

Crazy, Girlfriend, Needs, Said, Treatment

Same Author Quotes

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

Fifty, Funny, Gonna, Humor, Thought, Today

They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

Beach, Bottles, Glasses, Sign, Thinking

I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off of it for one.

Confident, Earth, Purpose, Taken

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

10000, Friend, Funny, Looks, Plastic, Surgery

I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

Life, Pleased, Reality, Say, Won, Wrestling

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Ilona Andrews

She can tell you the height of the attacker from the trigonometry of the blood spatter, while I'm fuzzy on what trigonometry is.

Attacker, Blood, Fuzzy, Height

Frederick Lenz

Why do everything perfectly? Isn't perfection just an illusion? Tell me if it's an illusion if they don't fix your car perfectly next time you bring it in.

Bring, Buddhism, Car, Perfection, Time

Neil Gaiman

I went away in my head, into a book. That was where I went whenever real life was too hard or too inflexible.

Book, Flexible, Head, Real, Whenever

Elizabeth Chandler

I wouldn't have been sent back to help you," Tristan continued. "I wouldn't have been made an angel if it weren't important that you live, Ivy. I want you to be mine" -Ivy could hear the pain in his voice- "but you're not. " "I am!" she cried out loud. "We're on different sides of a river," he said, "and it's a river that neither of us can cross. You were meant for somebody else.

Angel, Continued, Ivy, Pain, Somebody, Voice

Leigh Hunt

If you are ever at a loss to support a flagging conversation, introduce the subject of eating.

Flagging, Food, Hunting, Loss, Subject