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I'm kind of lame. I prefer quiet evenings at home, hanging out with my family.

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Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

English, Everyone, Funniest, Funny, Lines, Say
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.

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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Christmas, Compulsory, Funny, Like, Love, Lovely

Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

Drive, Four, Humor, Intelligent, Places, Remote

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Elephantine, Gentle, Greed, People, Time, Vanity

God writes a lot of comedy. . . the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Actors, Bad, Comedy, Encouraging, Funny, Life
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