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My dad used to tell me 'opinions are like assholes, everybody has one'

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Lily Tomlin

What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

Come, Down, Expect, Golf
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When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor. "

Failed, Meltdowns, People, Sense, Sense Of Humor

And yet humanity is so not evolved that how can you expect anything absolutely major to happen? Look how long, we move ahead in technology, how much do we move ahead in morality or emotion? We move ahead so minimally, minimally, minimally.

Ahead, Emotion, Long, Moving, Technology

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest. ' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest. ' At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

Died, Fittest, Ideas, Laughing, Survive, Thinking

Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious.

Being Funny, Comedy, Deadly, Funny, Serious

I try to be cynical, but it's so hard to keep up.

Cynical, Hard, Keep, Trying
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