Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of … - Jim Gaffigan

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Quote of the day

The deepest human need is the need to be appreciated.

Jim Gaffigan

Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!

Becomes, Games, Gold, Lettuce, Panning, Salad

Same Author Quotes

My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to. Who wants to ?'

Annoy, Ems, Kids, Midnight, Taking

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

Everything, Funny, Hot, Like, Pockets, Taste

I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to do material that makes people laugh at the expense of making other people feel bad - not to say I'm not guilty of that at times. . . . I try and make humor out of the really important issues of the day, like Hot Pockets and elevators and not wanting to get out of bed.

Issues, Laughing, Material, People, Wanting

I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy". . . My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family. " Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.

Call, Camping, House, Loves, Married, Wife

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

Acting, Exhausting, Know, Like You, Parenting, Up Early

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Anais Nin

I want to love you wildly. I don’t want words, but inarticulate cries, meaningless, from the bottom of my most primitive being, that flow from my belly like honey. A piercing joy, that leaves me empty, conquered, silenced.

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Lorna Luft

When your parent is a public idol, you never really have a chance to lay that parent to rest.

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William C. Bryant

It is a sultry day; the sun has drunk The dew that lay upon the morning grass; There is no rustling in the lofty elm That canopies my dwelling, and its shade Scarce cools me. All is silent, save the faint And interrupted murmur of the bee, Settling on the sick flowers, And then again Instantly on the wing.

Cools, Flower, Morning, Settling, Silent, Summer

William James

The deepest human need is the need to be appreciated.

Appreciated, Deepest, Human, Humans, Needs

Emily Post

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory.

Believe, Eloquent, Oratory, Wit, Women, Worry