Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American short story writer, journalist, poet, and Civil War veteran.
A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial. ) So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth.
DISABUSE, v. t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed advantageous to embrace.
Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.
OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.
EXHORT, v. t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.
X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.
A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the "buffone", or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play.
Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.
R. I. P. A careless abbreviation of "requiescat in pace", attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than "reductus in pulvis".
Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
In theology, the state of a luckless mortal prenatally damned. The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin, whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are predestined to salvation.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.