I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things.
Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone.
An open marriage is nature's way of telling you that you need a divorce.
Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.
I have trouble saying hu. . . hu. . . husband.
Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the room. You want to make your move before the opponent does, because the first person to stomp from the room receives valuable Argument Points that can be redeemed for exciting merchandise at the Marital Prize Redemption Center.
An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring. . . I ought to know.
You have no idea of the women I didn't marry.
The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
If Marilyn is in love with my husband it proves she has good taste, for I am in love with him too.
I was married once before, and I stopped.
All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.
Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit out of it.
If he's getting married, he's not longer interesting.
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child.
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.
There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.