Top Kristen Schaal Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Kristen Schaal Biography

Kristen Joy Schaal (/ʃɑːl/; born January 24, 1978) is an American actress, voice artist, comedian and writer best known for current roles as Louise Belcher in Bob's Burgers (since 2011) and Carol in The Last Man on Earth (since 2015), as well as for playing Mel in Flight of the Conchords, the over-sexed nurse Hurshe Heartshe on The Heart, She Holler and Mabel Pines in Gravity Falls.

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Kristen Schaal Quotes

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

Beer, Beers, Champagne, Deserve, Funny, Humor

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Feeling, Funny, Humor, Optimistic, Republican

Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

Print, Sarcasm, Sarcastic

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

Comedy, Messed Up, People, Weird

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

All The Best, Cutting, Ground, Middle, Movies

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

Airplane, Back, Funny, Humor, Imagined

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

Funny, Humor, Let, Peacocks, Turkeys

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

Funny, Humor, Locked, Responsibility, Thing

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Blow, Blows, Free, Funny, Humor, Toilet

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

Mean, People, Proudly, Support, Wear

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally. . . erotically caressing each other. . . on the hood of a car. . . or the back of a movie theater.

Car, Caressing, Emotionally, Funny, Humor, Mean

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

Funny, Guy, Guys, Humor, Right, Slutty

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

Funny, Humor, Precious, Storing, Toenails

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

Freelancer, Happy, Home, Lonely, Writing

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Babies, Baby, Funny, Graffiti, Humor, Mark

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

Funny, Humor, Moon, Send, Werewolf

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Feet, Foot, Funny, Humor, Paw, Used

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

Diagnosed, Empty, Funny, Humor, Loneliness

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

Funny, Heart, Ambition, Man, Anus

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

Funny, Humor, Require, Sexual, Species, Two

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