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Your liberators tell you that that your suppressors are Wilhelm, Nikolaus, Pope Gregory the Twenty Eighth, Morgan, Krupp or Ford. And your "liberators" are called Mussolini, Napoleon, Hitler and Stalin. I tell you: "Only you yourself can be your liberator!"

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Rita Rudner

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Law, Phones, Think, Thinking, Wives
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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Annoy, Funny, Life, Love, Married

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers. " And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it. " I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat. " "No thank you. "

Doors, Halloween, Knock, People, Thank

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

Bears, Furniture, Like, Live, Men, People

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Funny, Idea, Life, Love, Met, Right

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

Aerobics, Came, Exercise, Fitness, Gym, Health
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