Why you do something is always kind of a mystery to me.
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.
They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.
Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!
And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.
You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
The only remarkable thing about Francis Ford Coppola's The Godfather, Part II is the insistent manner in which it recalls how much better his original film was. Even if Part II were a lot more cohesive, revealing and exciting than it is, it probably would have run the risk of appearing to be the self-parody it now seems…Its insights are fairly lame at this point.
My first job was when I was about 12, cleaning houses in the afternoons for different elderly women in town. I hated it.
Faith is the fool's excuse.
All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.