Top Dennis Miller Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Dennis Miller Biography

Dennis Michael Miller (born November 3, 1953) is an American stand-up comedian, talk show host, political commentator, sports commentator and actor.

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Dennis Miller Quotes

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.

Errors, Funny Work, Jobs, Serious, Thumb, Vocational

A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

Dangerous, Men, Reality, Ride, Thinking

For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.

Funny, Future, Humor, Hydrogen, Ideas, Parking

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

American, Anymore, History, School, Self Esteem, Taught

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Found, Funny, Humor, Police, Running, Shot

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Articles, Funny, Guilt, Heads, Humor, Playboy

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

Inspirational, Children, Home, Sign, Future, World

I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.

Born, Born Again, Firsts, Needs, Right, Time

Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when, if you take the time to get to know them as a human being, you can find so many other things to hate them for?

Baffled, Color, Hate, Human, Skin, Skins

Technology is fine. . . , but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and they don't get out and interact with actual flesh-and-blood humans - you know the answer before I say it - that's not good.

Technology, Blood, Visions Of The Future, Good, Answer, Leave

On Thursday, a passenger forced his way into the cockpit of a United Airlines flight from Miami, but was subdued after the co-pilot hit him with a small ax. Good to see our airlines are being kept secure by the latest in 12th century technology.

12Th, Pilots, Secure, Technology, Thursday

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.

Clueless, Thinking, Giving, Give, Help, Think

My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.

Cabbie, Drops, Funny, Inspirational, Nightmare, Travel

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.

Cartoon, Channel, Civilization, Course, Fiction

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

Benefit, Playing, Scrabble, Tolerance, Xenophobia

When your mother starts using the word "party" as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.

Crazy, Mother, Party, Using, Verb

Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.

Espresso, Football, Hepburn, Katherine, Night

There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.

Elsewhere, Instances, Internet, Pay, People, Thinking

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

Cost, Days, Doe, Electricity, Expensive, Hair

A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot. '

Looks, Pat, People, Say, Send, Voting

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Dennis Miller Biography

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