Imagine if we didn't have a President traveling the world bad mouthing America. . . . that's the UN's job.
I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.
People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.
I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, 'Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?
The group will not prosper if the leader grabs the lion's share of the credit for the good work that has been done.
Those who have suffered, who have known poverty or oppression, are generally the most prone to kindness. Perhaps it is well to endure some misery if only to learn this lesson.
Truth is everlasting.
It's one of the great tragedies of our contemporary life in America, that families fall apart. Almost everybody has that in common.