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I borrowed my friends car the other day in an attempt to persuade my husband that we needed a car and literally this is true, in the first day of borrowing the car, I got three tickets and I rear-ended it.

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Tallulah Bankhead

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

Claustrophobic, Funny, Give, Giving, Position, Sex
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I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

America, Barnacles, Bottom, Drydock, Party, Thinking

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

Honor, Ignorance, Look, Rejoice, Stupidity

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Funny, Life, Live, Make, Witty

Bette [Davis] and I are good friends. There's nothing I wouldn't say to her face - both of them.

Faces, Friends, Good, Good Friend, Nothing, Say

. . . all my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Funny, Humorous, Introduced, Life, Martini, Name
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