I love football so when I finish playing I would like to still be involved in it somehow and a manager would be my first choice.
I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to. Who wants to ?'
After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to do material that makes people laugh at the expense of making other people feel bad - not to say I'm not guilty of that at times. . . . I try and make humor out of the really important issues of the day, like Hot Pockets and elevators and not wanting to get out of bed.
I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy". . . My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family. " Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
A parent has to be silent much of the time.
I've given up thinking - it keeps getting me into trouble.
[Health-care system] is largely privatized and unregulated. So of course it's highly inefficient and costly.
I have always wanted to be either a cinematographer or a veterinarian.