Last night the Taliban offered to release eight Westerners if the U. S. promised not to attack. The … - Tina Fey

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I loved dancing the tango at the 1994 Nurses Ball Talent Show. I thought I'd be dancing with Brad Maule (Tony) but the writers revved up the passion by pairing me with Leigh McCloskey, my lover Damian. During dress rehearsal, for a goof, Leigh and Brad ran into each others arms instead!

Tina Fey

Last night the Taliban offered to release eight Westerners if the U. S. promised not to attack. The State Department declined but thanked the Taliban for the offer, saying it really felt good to laugh again.

Eight, Good, Laughing, Night, Saying, Thanked

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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

Achieving, Athlete, Eye, Girl, Gym, Look

If you ever start to feel good about yourself. . . . . . . they have this thing called the internet.

About Yourself, Feel Good, Internet, Start, Thing

And I can see Russia from my house.

House, Russia, Saturday Night Live, See

Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

Arms, Like, Rocks, Weak, Years

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

Careers, Obstacles, Problem, Questions, Solution, Witty