Like it or not, life is a series of competitions.
Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.
I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol
My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty. "
The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.
Success is empty if you arrive at the finish line alone.
If only everyone could know we’ve been created by and for God! If only we could all comprehend that we’re precious to Him, housing mirrored souls designed to reflect His glory.
A second later, when he looked up at me, we were face to face, and again, even under these circumstances, I was struck by how good looking he was, in that accidental, doesn't-even-know-it kind of way. Which only made it worse. Or better. Or whatever. "Yup", he said, as if there'd been any doubt, "you're in there, all right. " "I was warned, too,"I told him, as he stood up. "I just saw that sculpture, and I got distracted. " "The sculpture?" He looked at it, then at me. "Oh, right. Because you know it.
We pick governors from states where governors don't do anything, like Jimmy Carter from Georgia, George W. Bush from Texas.