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My brother used to say some people have an "inferiority simplex. " It's not that they're under the delusion that they're inferior; they actually are inferior and they secretly know it.

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George Burns

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Morning, Names, Breakfast, Obituary, Eat
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

Avoiding, Funny, Humor, Longevity, Stress, Worry

When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places. ' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage. . . When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.

Down, Good, Kids, Think, Thinking, Years

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

Hill, Hills, Over The Hill, Under

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

Cards, Couple, Marriage, Plays, Together, Wedding

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

Evil, Stink, Talent, Vaudeville
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