Sunshine cannot bleach the snow, Nor time unmake what poets know
My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell.
A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week. ' Yeah, where is that? 'Cause I wanna move there.
How do blind people know when they're done wiping their ass?
What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you say, "You better let him finish. "
If you get a ticket, you can go to traffic school, and they make you watch movies for like eight hours: head-on collisions, mannequins flying out the windshield. At the end of the movie, the instructor goes, 'Now what have we learned by this?' Never let a mannequin drive your car.
It's my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people.
Every night I get down on my knees and pray that Dennis Kucinich will burst into flames.
Yes, the European model remains superior to that of America and Japan.
Lynch mobs are democracies.
I went into very deep research as to what exactly that meant and how sociopaths function psychologically and within the world.