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Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power.

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Tina Fey

We should leave people alone about their weight. Being chubby for a while (provided you don’t give yourself diabetes) is a natural phase of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Like puberty or slowly turning into a Republican.

Giving, Natural, People, Phase, Republican, Weight
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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

Achieving, Athlete, Eye, Girl, Gym, Look

If you ever start to feel good about yourself. . . . . . . they have this thing called the internet.

About Yourself, Feel Good, Internet, Start, Thing

And I can see Russia from my house.

House, Russia, Saturday Night Live, See

Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

Arms, Like, Rocks, Weak, Years

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

Careers, Obstacles, Problem, Questions, Solution, Witty
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