I only have one obsession - not to be boring.
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp. " The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps. " He says: "There's one in the window. "
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals. . . she has NEXT written on her knickers.
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson. " When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it. "
If I were to be responsible for guiding souls, I would urge everyone to be aware of God's constant presence, if for no other reason than His presence is a delight to our souls and spirit.
As much as I admire and value intellectualism and experimentation, I've discovered that unless a book has a throbbing heart as well as a sexy brain, I feel like the story is a specimen in a sealed glass jar and not a living, breathing creature I want to take by the hand and talk to for hours on end.
People sacrifice the present for the future. But life is available only in the present. That is why we should walk in such a way that every step can bring us to the here and the now.
There are things coming from me that I felt I wanted to talk about. My search for my own blend of spirituality, my acknowledgement of my sexuality, my being the single mother of a young man.