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At Wal-Mart, if you couldn't explain an idea or a concept in simple terms on one page of paper Sam Walton considered the new idea too complicated to implement.

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Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Fat, Funny, Humorous, People, Thin, Witty
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Beauty, Crazy, Funny, Okay, Told

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Dead, Dog, Play, Roll, Wife

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Finger, Know, Mouths, Sticks, Ugly

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Funny, Kid, Moved, Moving, Parents, Pregnancy

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

Cook, Dental Floss, Floss, Kitchen, Roaches, Wife
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