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Men long for an afterlife in which there apparently is nothing to do but delight in heaven's wonders.

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Sam Kinison

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days. . . Not all in a row.

Days, Folks, Row, Seventeen, Straight
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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

Marriage, Married, Wedding Anniversary, Worry, Years

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

Funny, Three, Cost, Weeks, Center

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die. " And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!

Christian, Jesus, Pliers, Somebody, Standing

I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.

Lived, Miss, Missing, Two, View, Views

The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies. . . You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!

Moon, Space, Pussy, Impress, Flag
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