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If you light upon an impertinent talker, that sticks to you like a bur, to the disappointment of your important occasions, deal freely with him, break off the discourse, and pursue your business.

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Ron White

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. . . And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Inspirational, Funny, Party, Somebody, Lemons, Given
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Years ago, while I was watching a baseball game between the Baltimore Orioles and the Texas Rangers, I remember staring in awe at Cal Ripken. I realized during this game that 'you don't have to be flashy' or have 'power numbers' to be great. It's about the simple things that are the hard things. It's about leadership, work ethic and commitment.

Baseball, Commitment, Rangers, Simple

I had the right to remain silent. . . but I didn't have the ability.

Funny Life, Silent, Funny Bumper Sticker, Right, Remain

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

Stupid, Class, Pills, Take, Pill

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

Dad, Houston, Old, Take, Years

The arresting officer, who I had literally known, all my life. You know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down the street me, in a town of less than four hundred people. *We've met. * Now, he takes me to jail, and he asks me if I have any aliases. And I was just being a smartass, and I said, "Yeah. They call me, "Tater Salad!" Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed on a bench in New York with blood coming out of my nose, and this cop goes, "Are you Ron 'Tater Salad' White?"

Funny, Mean, White, Ron, Bench
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