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The term bisexual has ended up as the ugly stepchild of sexuality, in both name and meaning. Its fate is symptomatic of the bisexual's own lot in life: to be as common as can be, but unacknowledged.

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Michael McIntyre

They had to ask spain I think, they've had to say to Spain, can you lend us some stuff for the roads, and it's Gordon Brown phoning up going 'pass the salt'

Ask, Pass, Spain, Thinking, Witty
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I've got a little baby, I made him. . . He doesn't speak, he's 2. . . He's a slow learner, he's only got 2 words. . . car and map. . . I'm slightly worried he's trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!

Baby, Car, Map, Passport, Trouble, Witty

My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with. . . she read hers out and there were no surprises. . . 1 George Clooney. . . 2 Brad Pitt etc. . . I thought 'Ive got the better deal here'. . . 1 Your sister

Brad, Clooney, Deal, People, Sleep, Witty

There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.

Celebrity, Conditions, Death, Lying, Snow, Two

Normally you have news, weather and travel. . . . . but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.

News, Normally, Snow, Weather, Witty

I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.

Effectively, Like, Mean, Shelves, Vorderman, Witty
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