I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.
An animal has to suffer for us old-school Latinos to get what we want.
The average late-night viewer is in their mid-50s and the average viewer of TBS is in their 30s and is largely African-American and Hispanic, already, before I even get there.
I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.
Obama is the closest thing to a Latino that we have. Barack. Everybody wants to see his birth certificate too.
[There's] a joke that I've done forever: 'Nowadays they say that the largest majority of people will be Latino and you'll tell scary stories to your grandkids: "A long time ago when I was growing up, there used to be people who were white," and the kid says, "Really?" and you say, "Yeah, like the man who cuts our grass. "' I've had that line forever and I love it.
My grandmother instilled in me a toughness that comes with survival. She was a tough lady and never truly enjoyed her life. She would always worry about things and I would tell her that it wasn't going to get her anywhere and it didn't. I wasn't even that smart back then, but I knew that worrying about everyone else wasn't good for her health. As Latinos, we stress and worry so much about the future when the future is today. As long as we protect what's good in our lives, we will be all right.
And thou my minde aspire to higher things; Grow rich in that which never taketh rust.
They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?
I suppose musicians have the kind of arrogant attitude that they can actually offer the world something, because through their passive power, they're able to be the strongest arms that they can be, incredibly strong. That's what keeps us going.
People don't get better, they just get smarter. When you get smarter you don't stop pulling the wings off flies, you just think of better reasons for doing it.