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I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.

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George Lopez

An animal has to suffer for us old-school Latinos to get what we want.

Animal, Latinos, School, Suffer, Suffering
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The average late-night viewer is in their mid-50s and the average viewer of TBS is in their 30s and is largely African-American and Hispanic, already, before I even get there.

African American, Average, Hispanic, Night, Viewer

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

Alone, Lonely, Needs, Spend, Time, Wife

Obama is the closest thing to a Latino that we have. Barack. Everybody wants to see his birth certificate too.

Birth, Certificate, Certificates, Everybody, Thing, Want

[There's] a joke that I've done forever: 'Nowadays they say that the largest majority of people will be Latino and you'll tell scary stories to your grandkids: "A long time ago when I was growing up, there used to be people who were white," and the kid says, "Really?" and you say, "Yeah, like the man who cuts our grass. "' I've had that line forever and I love it.

Cutting, Grandkids, Growing Up, Joke, Kids, Majority

My grandmother instilled in me a toughness that comes with survival. She was a tough lady and never truly enjoyed her life. She would always worry about things and I would tell her that it wasn't going to get her anywhere and it didn't. I wasn't even that smart back then, but I knew that worrying about everyone else wasn't good for her health. As Latinos, we stress and worry so much about the future when the future is today. As long as we protect what's good in our lives, we will be all right.

Good, Grandmother, Latinos, Smart, Stress, Today
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