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The federal government has failed us, so we, the elected officials of small-town America, are getting tough with illegal immigration.

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Bo Burnham

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost. . . my virginity.

Actually, Funny, Humor, Lost, School, Virginity
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Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

Crystals, Fun, Funny, Humor, Meth, Twitter

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

Believe, Believe In You, Doe, Entertains, Thought

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

Book, Good Book, Pussy, Yeah

Love is all about. . . whistles.

Love, Love Is, Whistles

I don't like calling myself a "feminist" only because I don't think I've done anything active enough to call myself one. It'd be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I'm not racist.

Activist, Call, Done, Feminist, Rights, Thinking
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