Scott Adams (born June 8, 1957) is the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, and business.
For our purposes, let’s say a goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, it’s a system. If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal.
The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.
Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
I try to avoid giving advice.
As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.
Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.
The longer you work here, diverse it gets.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.
In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.
Remember, freedom is always taken, never given.
Dilbert: Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method. Dogbert: But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called time and cause and effect exist. Dilbert: That's what I was taught and that's what I believe. Dogbert: Sounds cultish.
Failure is a resource that can be managed.
He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night.
E-books are impervious to analogy.