Scott Adams (born June 8, 1957) is the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, and business.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
There's a fine line between participation and mockery.
If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.
I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
If you’re going to create, create a lot. Creativity is not like playing the slot machines, where failure to win means you go home broke. With creativity, if you don’t win, you’re usually no worse off than if you hadn’t played.
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
E-books are impervious to analogy.
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill. ” - Wally
These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.
When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.