Scott Adams (born June 8, 1957) is the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, and business.
The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.
Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks. . . A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement.
We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.
Stem cells are like toenail clippings with a better career plan.
E-books are impervious to analogy.
If free will exists, why do the tallest candidates with the best hair usually win elections ?
You can change only what people know, not what they do.
I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day
Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.
Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons
On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.
The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
The day you realize that your efforts and rewards are not related, it really frees up your calendar.
If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
The best things in life are silly.
The only risk of failure is promotion.
I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.