Scott Adams (born June 8, 1957) is the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, and business.
Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.
If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants.
When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.
Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.
The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.
Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.
Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.
Computers and rocket ships are examples of invention, not of understanding. . . . All that is needed to build machines is the knowledge that when one thing happens, another thing happens as a result. It's an accumulation of simple patterns. A dog can learn patterns. There is no "why&rdqo"; in those examples. We don't understand why electricity travels. We don't know why light travels at a constant speed forever. All we can do is observe and record patterns.
Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.
Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy. ' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.
One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.
I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks. . . A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement.