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I didn't know the odds were so stacked against me. I went for TV shows and never got them. But I kept glued to the pursuit. I was the biggest fool in town, but ultimately I was the biggest fool in town with a job.

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Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: 'Who was raising that question?'

Biden, Cnn, Run, Running, Yesterday
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. . . Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.

Amazing, Dad, Exciting, Father, Happened

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.

Happiness, Happy, Success

I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth.

Baby, Dad, Fun, Happy, Think

Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Journey, Long, Shells, Surviving, Taco

According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.

Diet, Governor, Perfect, Report, Stories, Thanks
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