Look to the present. The great disease of 'I will be happy when. . . ' is sweeping the world. You know the symptoms. You start thinking: I'll be happy when I get that. . . BMW. . . promotion. . . status. . . money. The only way to cure the disease is to find happiness and meaning now.
I wondered if that's what aging felt like. That desire and reality were dueling until the day you die, that nobody every got to a place of peace. I had always wanted to get old so I didn't have to care anymore, but I began to think that it would be best just to skip the getting older part and just die.