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My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn. " "She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action. " -Ranger and Stephanie

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Danny Kaye

Some woman are more interested in what they look like than what they are. If they more interested in what they are, they would look better.

Ifs, Interested, Like, Look, Looks, Woman
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Life is a blank canvas, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.

Blank, Funny, Inspirational, Life, Throw

Draw a circle, not a heart, around the one you love because a heart can break but a circle goes on forever.

Circle, Circles, Draw, Heart, Love

When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting whatever it is you've got left.

Gets, Gotten, Left, White Christmas, Worth

The secret of staying fresh in a show is to remember that the audience you're playing for that night has never seen it before.

Audience, Fresh, Night, Secret, Seen, Theatre

After all is said and done, its usually the wife who has said it and the husband who has done it.

Done, Husband, Said, Usually, Wife
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