I have been so lucky to receive so much love from those who enjoy my music, that I feel I have to give as much of it as I can back to children.
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '
Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.
The American child, driven to school by bus and stupefied by television, is losing contact with reality. There is an enormous gap between the sheer weight of the textbooks that he carries home from school and his capacity to interpret what is in them.
When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon.
The process depends on the situation, and I don't think there are any two songs that have gone exactly the same way. . . well, actually, that's not true.