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The best thing I've ever done for a girl hopefully is make them happy. Isn't that the most romantic thing you can do?

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Jerry Seinfeld

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

Bodies, Funny, Inspirational, Motivational, Scared, Spiders
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Birthday, Epic, Freedom, Funny, Men, Thing

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.

Expands, Fame, Joke, Possibility, Want, Work

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

Funny, Humorous, Music, Shower, Thanks

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Deserve, Hilarious, Lied, Lying, People, Tabloids

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Failure, Head, Keep, Not Giving Up, Success
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