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How can an article about me or the Batman be the true story when I am not consulted or interviewed?

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Jimmy Fallon

Thank you. . . fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia.

Giants, Headphones, Looking, Princess, Subway
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. . . Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.

Amazing, Dad, Exciting, Father, Happened

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.

Happiness, Happy, Success

I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth.

Baby, Dad, Fun, Happy, Think

Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Journey, Long, Shells, Surviving, Taco

According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.

Diet, Governor, Perfect, Report, Stories, Thanks
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