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Any one who is prosperous may by the turn of fortune's wheel become most wretched before evening.

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Gilbert Gottfried

I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

Big, Country, Home, People, Seen, Takes
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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

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I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

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I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.

Frank, Instead, Kids, Like, Screw Ups, Sinatra

Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.

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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

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